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Spousal Relations is a skill based on which a husband and wife respond to each other's physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual needs by recognizing each other's differences, capabilities, and sensitivities.

Based on the Quran and Hadiths, Muslim scholars have determined etiquettes and duties for each of the spouses and consider observing them essential for having a healthy, stable, and high-quality shared life. These duties include trustworthiness, providing financial needs, observing the etiquettes of good behavior, responding to emotional and sexual needs, and cooperation in life affairs.

Islam emphasizes love and friendship between a husband and wife. Muslim scholars introduce the Prophet (s) and Infallible Imams (a) as successful role models in this regard.

This concept has also been discussed under the frameworks of spousal rights and family ethics, and works have been published in this field, including the book Hamsardari (Spousal Relations) by Ibrahim Amini.

Concept

Spousal relations is a skill through which a husband and wife can respond to each other's physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual needs by recognizing each other's capabilities, differences, and sensitivities.[citation needed] According to researchers, awareness of and practicing the skill of spousal relations leads to family peace, improves of the quality of life, and reduces disputes between couples.[1]

Position in Islamic Sources

It is said that verses of the Quran, including Qur'an 4:19 and Qur'an 2:228, refer to the observance of spousal relations.[2] Also, in Shia and Sunni narrative sources, numerous hadiths have been narrated from the Prophet (s) and the Infallible Imams (a) regarding the duties of the husband and wife.[3] For instance, in the book al-Kāfī, narrations related to spousal relations are collected under titles such as "A husband's respect for his wife",[4] "A wife's right over her husband",[5] and "Tolerating the wife".[6]

In early Islamic works, this topic was mainly raised under titles such as "Rights of husband and wife towards each other",[7] and sections were dedicated to it in some ethical works of Muslim scholars.[8] For example, al-Tabrisi in Makarim al-akhlaq and Sayyid 'Abd Allah al-Shubbar in Al-Akhlaq have included sections with this very title and offered recommendations regarding spousal relations based on narrations.[9]

In the 21st century, spousal relations have been considered under the title of "Family Ethics",[10] and in discussions of family psychology, its principles and role in a healthy and stable life have been discussed.[11]

Mutual Rights and Duties of Husband and Wife

Researchers, citing the Quran, hadiths, and the Sira of the Infallibles, have enumerated duties for husband and wife in shared life. The wife's duties include trustworthiness, observing chastity,[12] and obedience to the husband[13] in marital rights such as sexual availability and leaving the house.[14] In some narrations, (good spousal conduct by the wife) is described as equivalent to Jihad.[15] The husband's duties also include providing the religious and financial needs of the family (Nafaqa),[16] guardianship, and protection of the wife and other family members.[17]

Etiquettes of Spousal Relations

To improve the quality of shared life, certain etiquettes are recommended, including: good behavior,[18] responding to emotional and sexual needs,[19] adorning oneself for one another,[20] cooperation in life affairs,[21] respect,[22] loyalty,[23] contentment,[24] overlooking mistakes, and avoiding fault-finding.[25]

Love and Mercy

Muslim scholars believe that the religion of Islam emphasizes love and mercy between husband and wife.[26] It is narrated from the Prophet (s) that whenever a couple looks at each other with love or holds each other's hands, God looks at them with kindness, and their sins are forgiven.[27] Also, the verse «And He put between you love and mercy» Quran 30:21 is considered to express the importance of affection and mercy in strengthening shared life.[28]

Managing Differences in Spousal Relations

In narrations, husband and wife are advised to have patience, tolerance, and forgiveness regarding each other's slips,[29] and in case of a dispute, the couple themselves should first try to resolve it through dialogue and effective communication. If differences are not resolved by this method, Qur'an 4:35 recommends the arbitration of the families of the man and the woman to reform affairs.[30]

Models of Spousal Relations in Islamic History

Muslims introduce the Prophet of Islam (s) as the first successful model in spousal relations. Regarding his Sira, it is reported that he was well-behaved with his wives and introduced the best of people as those who are well-behaved towards their wives,[31] helped them in household chores,[32] and forgave their mistakes.[33]

The Infallible Imams (a) are also introduced as successful models of spousal relations and paid attention to all dimensions of family life; from loyalty and love between the couple to their roles and duties in the house, family and child upbringing.[34]

Some researchers have also introduced the shared life of religious scholars and their wives as successful examples of spousal relations in Islam.[35]

Notes

  1. ↑ Amīnī, Hamsardārī, 1389 Sh, p. 10.
  2. ↑ Qurʾān, 4:19; Qurʾān, 2:228; Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i namūna, 1374 Sh, vol. 2, p. 156 & vol. 3, p. 320; Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 383.
  3. ↑ For example see: Majlisī, Biḥār al-anwār, 1403 AH, vol. 103, p. 228; Nūrī, Mustadrak al-Wasāʾil, vol. 14, pp. 249-250; Abī Dāwūd, Sunan Abī Dāwūd, al-Maktaba al-ʿAṣriyya, vol. 2, pp. 244-245.
  4. ↑ Kulaynī, Al-Kāfī, 1407 AH, vol. 5, p. 509.
  5. ↑ Kulaynī, Al-Kāfī, 1407 AH, vol. 5, p. 510.
  6. ↑ Kulaynī, Al-Kāfī, 1407 AH, vol. 5, p. 513.
  7. ↑ For example see: Ghazālī, Iḥyāʾ ʿulūm al-dīn, Dār al-Kitāb al-ʿArabī, vol. 4, pp. 133-147; Shubbar, Al-Akhlāq, 1429 AH, vol. 1, p. 299.
  8. ↑ For example see: Ghazālī, Iḥyāʾ ʿulūm al-dīn, Dār al-Kitāb al-ʿArabī, vol. 4, pp. 133-147; Shubbar, Al-Akhlāq, 1429 AH, vol. 1, p. 299.
  9. ↑ Ṭabarsī, Makārim al-akhlāq, 1370 Sh, p. 213; Shubbar, Al-Akhlāq, 1429 AH, vol. 1, p. 299.
  10. ↑ For example see: Amīnī, Hamsardārī, 1389 Sh, p. 11; Jamʿī az Nevisandagān, Akhlāq-i khāliwāda, 1391 Sh, pp. 15-17.
  11. ↑ Malekī, Rawānshināsī-yi khāniwāda, 1395 Sh, pp. 12 & 15.
  12. ↑ Ṭabāṭabāʾī, Al-Mīzān, 1393 AH, vol. 4, p. 344; Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 407; Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i namūna, 1374 Sh, vol. 3, p. 371.
  13. ↑ Fākherī, Akhlāq-i khāliwāda, 1378 Sh, vol. 2, p. 117.
  14. ↑ Makārim Shīrāzī, Aḥkām-i bānuwān, 1386 Sh, p. 175.
  15. ↑ Kulaynī, Al-Kāfī, 1407 AH, vol. 5, p. 507.
  16. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 398.
  17. ↑ Ṭabāṭabāʾī, Al-Mīzān, 1393 AH, vol. 4, p. 215.
  18. ↑ Ṣadūq, ʿUyūn akhbār al-Riḍā, Manshūrāt Jahān, vol. 2, p. 38; Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 382.
  19. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, pp. 386-391.
  20. ↑ Pāyanda, Nahj al-faṣāḥa, Dunyā-yi Dānish, p. 226; ʿAskarī, "Sīra-yi pīshwāyān dar raftār bā hamsar", p. 76.
  21. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, pp. 392-394.
  22. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, pp. 394-396.
  23. ↑ Amīnī, Hamsardārī, 1389 Sh, pp. 152-153.
  24. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 397.
  25. ↑ Amīnī, Hamsardārī, 1389 Sh, pp. 113-116; Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 397.
  26. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, pp. 380-381.
  27. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 381.
  28. ↑ Kāshānī, Manhaj al-ṣādiqīn, Tehran, vol. 7, p. 170.
  29. ↑ Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, pp. 237-240; Ḥusaynī Bahārānchī, Āyīn-i hamsardārī wa ādāb-i zindagī dar Islām, 1385 Sh, p. 118.
  30. ↑ Ṭabāṭabāʾī, Al-Mīzān, 1393 AH, vol. 4, p. 346.
  31. ↑ For example see: Pāyanda, Nahj al-faṣāḥa, p. 472.
  32. ↑ Hindī, Kanz al-ʿummāl, 1401 AH, vol. 16, p. 408; Muḥammadī Rayshahrī, Taḥkīm-i khāniwāda az nigāh-i Qurʾān wa ḥadīth, 1389 Sh, p. 220.
  33. ↑ ʿĀbidīnī, "Shīwa-yi hamsardārī-yi Payāmbar (s) bi guzārish-i Qurʾān", p. 177.
  34. ↑ Muqaddasī, Sīra-yi hamsardārī-yi Imāmān-i Maʿṣūm (a), 1401 Sh, pp. 13-14; Karīmī-niyā & others, "Barrasī-yi shīwa-yi raftārī-yi Aʾimma (a) dar zindagī-yi mushtarak", pp. 204-207.
  35. ↑ For example see: Āzād, "Shīwa-hā-yi hamsardārī-yi hamsarān-i ʿulamāʾ", pp. 25-26.

References

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