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Kindness to Parents

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Ethics

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Moral Hadiths
Hadith of qurb al-nawafil • Hadith Makarim al-akhlaq • Hadith of Mi'raj • Hadith Junud al-'Aql wa l-Jahl

Moral Virtues
Humility • Contentment • Generosity • Controlling Anger • Truthfulness • Hilm (forbearance) • Asceticism • Bravery • Chastity • Insaf (Equity) • Silat al-Rahim • Wara' • Islah dhat al-bayn

Moral Vices
Hubris • Greed • Envy • Lie • Backbiting • Namima (Talebearing) • Miserliness • Disobedience to Parents • 'Ujb (self-conceit) • Sum'a • Cutting blood relation • Spreading grave sins • Ingratitude • Hypocrisy • Tabdhir

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Jihad with the self • Self-critical soul • Commanding Soul • Soul at peace • Self-reckoning • Muraqaba • Musharata • Sin • Morality lessons • Istidraj

Scholars of Ethics
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References of Ethics

Qur'an • Nahj al-balagha • Misbah al-shari'a wa miftah al-haqiqa • Makarim al-Akhlaq • Al-Mahajjat al-bayda' • Tanbih al-khawatir wa nuzhat al-nawazir • Jami' al-sa'adat • Mi'raj al-sa'ada • Al-Muraqabat

Kindness to parents (Arabic:الإحْسان بِالْوالِدَيْن; romanized: iḥsān bi-l-wālidayn) refers to honoring, respecting, and doing good to one's father and mother. In the Quran, kindness to parents is mentioned alongside the command to worship God. Quranic exegetes have understood this command to apply to all parents, whether they are disbelievers or believers, righteous or unrighteous.

In both Shia and Sunni sources of hadith, kindness to parents is regarded as one of the most virtuous and beloved actions to God, with various benefits mentioned for it, including an increase in sustenance, a longer life, ease during the agonies of death, forgiveness of sins, and entry into Paradise on the Day of Resurrection.

Good behavior and refraining from even the slightest harshness toward parents, offering a compassionate gaze, and not raising one's voice in their presence are considered examples of kindness to parents.

Concept and Place

Kindness to parents is a command emphasized in the Qur'an,[1] placed alongside the command to worship God.[2] Quranic exegetes view this as a sign of the great importance of kindness to one's father and mother[3] and the high status of obedience to this command in the sight of God.[4] Islamic jurists have also declared it obligatory for children.[5] Furthermore, in some ethical works, kindness to parents is regarded as one of the greatest actions leading to happiness and closeness to God.[6]

In Tafsir Nimuna, under Qur'an 17:23, it is mentioned that placing the command of monotheism (not associating partners with God) alongside the command to be kind to parents underscores the Quran's emphasis on good behavior toward one's father and mother.[7]

Kindness to parents is understood as the utmost respect toward one's father and mother,[8] encompassing any good deed that is worthy of their status.[9] Additionally, the generality of the term "parents" in this verse is interpreted to include all fathers and mothers, whether they are righteous or unrighteous,[10] disbelievers or believers.[11]

Reason Behind Kindness to Parents and Its Relevance to Monotheism

Some Quranic exegetes have depicted the relationship between monotheism and kindness to parents in the Qur'an, which are mentioned together, as follows: God is the true cause of human existence, while the parents are the apparent causes and providers of sustenance.[12] Similarly, just as it is obligatory to thank God for His blessings as the true benefactor, it is also obligatory to express gratitude for the blessings of His servants. No one, except the parents, has borne as much hardship for a person and is as deserving of gratitude.[13]

'Allama Tabataba'i has explained the reason for the Quran's emphasis on kindness to parents by stating that the emotional bond between parents and children strengthens the connection between the new generation and the previous one, thus reinforcing the family structure. The stability of the family, as one of the most important aspects of social relationships, plays a crucial role in the firmness of human society.[14]

Kindness to Parents in Hadiths

In the hadiths transmitted from the Infallibles, special emphasis is placed on the significant status of parents and the importance of showing kindness to them.[15] In both Shia and Sunni sources of hadith, a separate section is dedicated to this topic.[16] According to the hadiths, kindness in behavior toward one's parents is considered one of the best[17] and most beloved acts to God,[18] and it is regarded as one of the defining characteristics of the Shi'a.[19]

It is also stated that a [loving] glance at one's parents is considered an act of worship,[20] and God's pleasure and wrath are assessed based on their satisfaction or displeasure with their children.[21] Furthermore, no excuse is accepted for failing to show kindness to them.[22]

It is reported about the Prophet's practice that he greatly respected his foster mother[23] and honored those who treated their parents well.[24] In the hadiths, Muslims are commanded to show kindness to their parents and endure the hardships of caring for them,[25] even if the parents are polytheists[26] or sinful.[27] Furthermore, it is recommended that if the parents have passed away, they should be shown kindness through seeking forgiveness for them, settling their debts, and fulfilling any missed acts of worship on their behalf.[28]

Additional Recommendations Regarding Kindness to the Mother

Imam al-Sajjad (a)

A man approached the Prophet (s) and said, "There is no sin I have not committed. Is there a way for repentance and returning?" The Prophet (s) replied, "Is either of your parents still alive?" The man said, "My father." The Prophet (s) said, "Go and show kindness to him." When the man left, the Messenger of God (s) remarked, "I wish his mother were alive."[29]

In Qur'an 46:15, after urging kindness to parents and explaining its rationale, only the hardships of the mother are mentioned. This, according to Muslim scholars, emphasizes the special rights of the mother and provides a further recommendation to honor her.[30] Imam al-Sajjad (a), in his Risalat al-huquq (The Treatise on Rights), highlights the difficulties the mother endures during pregnancy and the early years of the child's life, and he specifically advises the child to be appreciative of the mother's efforts.[31]

Additionally, al-Kulayni in his al-Kafi cites a hadith to the effect that a man asked the Prophet (s), "To whom should I show kindness?" The Prophet (s) replied, "To your mother." The man asked the same question twice more, and each time the Prophet (s) responded, "To your mother." Only when he asked for the fourth time did the Prophet (s) answer, "To your father."[32] In another hadith, it is reported from the Prophet that showing kindness to one's mother is an expiation for past sins.[33]

Instances of Kindness

In Qur'an 17:23, 24, after the command to show kindness to parents, specific examples of this are mentioned, such as the prohibition of saying "fie" or showing any form of harshness toward them.[34] In sources of hadith, it is reported that when Imam al-Sadiq (a) was asked about the meaning of kindness to parents in this verse, he replied that it means treating them well and providing for them before they even ask for something, even if they are capable of obtaining it themselves.[35]

The hadith continues by explaining that when the verse says, "Do not say "fie" to them," it means that even if they upset you, do not show the slightest sign of annoyance. And when it says, "Speak to them noble words," it means that even if they strike you, respond by saying, "May God forgive you." When the verse says, "Lower the wing of humility to them, mercifully," it means: do not stare at them harshly, but rather look at them with compassion and tenderness. Do not raise your voice above theirs. Also, when giving them something, do not extend your hand above theirs, and when walking or sitting with them, do not precede them.[36]

Effects of Showing Kindness to Parents

Imam al-Sadiq (a):

If you wish for God to prolong your life, make your parents happy.[37]

Sources of hadith mention both material and spiritual effects of showing kindness to parents, including the elimination of poverty,[38] an increase in sustenance,[39] the prolongation of life,[40] ease during the throes of death,[41] God's pleasure and forgiveness of sins,[42] ease in the reckoning of deeds,[43] and entry into Paradise on the Day of Judgment.[44]

It is also reported in the hadiths that a loving glance from a child toward their parents causes the doors of God's mercy to open for them[45] and grants the reward of an accepted Hajj.[46] In al-Kafi, it is narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (a) that a person who shows kindness to their parents and performs good deeds, such as prayer and charity, for parents who have passed away, will receive the reward of those actions, or even more.[47]

According to other hadiths, failing to show kindness to parents leads to consequences such as deviating from obedience to God, ingratitude and ignorance of blessings, the invalidation (or abandonment) of gratitude, the severing of the lineage,[48] and being deprived of Paradise.[49]

See Also

Notes

  1. ↑ Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i nimūna, vol. 12, p. 74.
  2. ↑ See: Qur'an 4:36; Qur'an 6:151; Qur'an 17:23.
  3. ↑ Fakhr al-Rāzī, Mafātīḥ al-ghayb, vol. 3, p. 586; Qāsimī, Maḥāsin al-taʾwīl, vol. 6, p. 453.
  4. ↑ Fakhr al-Rāzī, Mafātīḥ al-ghayb, vol. 20, p. 323; Sayyid Quṭb, Fī ẓilāl al-Qurʾān, vol. 4, p. 2222.
  5. ↑ Najafī, Jawāhir al-kalām, vol. 21, p. 24; Shāhrūdī, Farhang-i fiqh, vol. 3, p. 85.
  6. ↑ Narāqī, Jāmiʿ al-saʿādāt, vol. 2, p. 273; Narāqī, Miʿrāj al-saʿāda, p. 533; Qummī, Akhlāq wa Ādāb, p. 152.
  7. ↑ Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i nimūna, vol. 12, p. 74.
  8. ↑ Sulṭān Alīshāh, Bayān al-saʿāda, vol. 2, p. 438.
  9. ↑ Thaqafī Tihrānī, Rawān-i jāwīd, vol. 3, p. 351.
  10. ↑ Ibn Shuʿba al-Ḥarrānī, Tuḥaf al-ʿuqūl, p. 367.
  11. ↑ Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i nimūna, vol. 12, p. 74; Qummī, Jāmiʿ al-shitāt, vol. 1, p. 241.
  12. ↑ Bayḍāwi, Anwār al-tanzīl, vol. 3, p. 252; Qummī Mashhadī, Tafsīr kanz al-daqāʾiq, vol. 7, p. 381; Fayḍ al-Kāshānī, Tafsīr al-Ṣāfī, vol. 3, p. 185.
  13. ↑ Fakhr al-Rāzī, Mafātīḥ al-ghayb, vol. 20, p. 321.
  14. ↑ Ṭabāṭabāʾī, al-Mīzān, vol. 7, p. 374; vol. 13, p. 80.
  15. ↑ Tajlīl Tabrīzī, al-Maḥāsin wa l-masāwī, vol. 1, p. 389.
  16. ↑ See: Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 157; Majlisī, Biḥār al-anwār, vol. 71, p. 22; Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, vol. 8, p. 2; Muslim Nayshābūrī. Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, vol. 8, p. 1.
  17. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 158.
  18. ↑ Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, vol. 8, p. 2.
  19. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 74.
  20. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 4, p. 240.
  21. ↑ Tirmidhī, Sunan al-Tirmidhī, vol. 3, p. 207; Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 1, p. 428.
  22. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 162.
  23. ↑ Abū Dāwūd, Sunan Abī Dāwūd, vol. 2, p. 507-508.
  24. ↑ See: Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 161.
  25. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 162; Ṣadūq, Man lā yaḥḍuruh al-faqīh, vol. 4, p. 407, 408.
  26. ↑ Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, vol. 8, p. 4.
  27. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 162.
  28. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 158; Māzandarānī, Sharḥ uṣūl kāfī. vol. 9, p. 19.
  29. ↑ Ahwāzī, al-Zuhd, p. 35.
  30. ↑ Makārim Shīrāzī, Tafsīr-i nimūna, vol. 17, p. 40; Ibn Mufliḥ, al-Ādāb al-sharʿīyya, vol. 1, p. 338.
  31. ↑ Ṣadūq, Man lā yaḥḍuruh al-faqīh, vol. 2, p. 621.
  32. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 159; Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, vol. 8, p. 2.
  33. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 162.
  34. ↑ Fakhr al-Rāzī, Mafātīḥ al-ghayb, vol. 20, p. 324.
  35. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 157.
  36. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 158; Māzandarānī, Sharḥ uṣūl kāfī. vol. 9, p. 19.
  37. ↑ Ahwāzī, al-Zuhd, p. 33.
  38. ↑ Ṣadūq, al-Amālī, p. 389.
  39. ↑ Ṭabrisī, Mishkāt al-ʾanwār, p. 166.
  40. ↑ Ṭabrisī, Mishkāt al-ʾanwār, p. 166.
  41. ↑ Ṣadūq, al-Amālī, p. 389.
  42. ↑ Ahwāzī, al-Zuhd, p. 35.
  43. ↑ Quṭb al-Rāwandī, Kitāb salwat al-ḥazīn, p. 126.
  44. ↑ Shaʿīrī, Jāmiʿ al-akhbār, p. 106.
  45. ↑ Shaʿīrī, Jāmiʿ al-akhbār, p. 101.
  46. ↑ Ibn Abī al-Dunyā, Makārim al-akhlāq, p. 74.
  47. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 159.
  48. ↑ Fayḍ al-Kāshānī, Kitāb al-Wāfī, vol. 5, p. 1059.
  49. ↑ Kulaynī, al-Kāfī, vol. 2, p. 349.

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